Tuesday, January 7, 2014

save me

I save things that I think are important. I save things with memories. I save things that are special. I save things for a rainy day. 

I had this bracelet, which I'd been saving. I bought it years ago when I got engaged, while in Japan. In Kyoto. I didn't get a ring at the time and so maybe that's why I hoarded it in a loving way and never wore it. Just saving and saving and saving it. And years went by, and he didn't love me and everything ended. And then I still didn't wear it. I couldn't wear it. 

It was beautiful and simple and funnily suits me much more now than it ever did before. 

I decided it was the New Years to wear it- it actually didn't really match the outfit that I chose but I had to wear it. For only the second time ever I put it on. It was 2013. I looked at it numerous times  throughout the night. I touched it. A touchstone. I thought about Japan. I thought about all the pain. I thought about what jewelry represents. To some. To me. I danced. I thought about people I loved. I was with someone I love. I drank. I laughed. It sparkled. I could almost see my reflection. I smiled. I was smiling. 

It was 2014. I reached out for something and my wrist was naked. There was nothing there. It was gone. The past was gone. I'm standing there with nothing and everything all at once. 

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